While reading notes from my instructor at BYU-Idaho today I came across this little gem of inspiration.
“One of the reasons for being here, in this life, is to learn to do difficult things, and to learn to do them properly.
This quote is attributed to President Spencer W. Kimball, an Elder in my mission shared this during a weekly District Meeting, it resonated with me then and still does. Often times, I find I focus on what is hard for me in the moment and not what I am being asked to learn. I know when I have allowed myself to be teachable the spirit has stepped in to help me see what is needed and what I can and am able to do. More often than not He has helped me grow both spiritually and temporally in a manner I never knew was possible. Never hesitate to ask when spiritual or temporal help is needed.”
The Faith Experiment
I started my Sunday morning this morning differently than most. I began reading the book “The Faith Experiment” by Laurel Christensen. Both the book and the above quote seem to go hand in hand in speaking to my heart. Laurel talks about being afraid to ask God for things because He would probably say no. I guess I understood that to mean that she felt like she had been told no so many times in her life that she no longer trusted God to say yes.
I have felt those same feelings throughout my life. It began as a small child praying to God to make my mother well again. I prayed from when I was 8 years old until I was 12. Then after a blessing from Spencer W. Kimball she was miraculously healed. (Or so everyone around me said.) But I guess that I felt like it was too little too late. Yes she was healed but not without damage. My parents had divorced, (a horrible messy awful kind of divorce) My mother was still impaired. The tumor came back 4 years later. My mother remarried with all of the drama that comes with a step family. And I had lost my childhood.
Although most everyone around me’s faith was strengthened, mine was diminished. And I decided that the only option was to take care of myself. And that is what I have tried to do for the rest of the 40 years that I have been on this earth. Just take care of myself and those around me all by myself.
It has not worked out so good. I am tired and sometimes bitter. I have rarely turned my problems over to the Lord.
My personal Faith Experiment
So today after reading the Faith Experiment and Sister Funk’s thoughts. I have determined that things are going to change in my spiritual life. It is time for me to pray to know if the thing that I am asking for is right. In Nephi 18:20 it reads “And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.” So step one is pray to know if the thing I am trying to do is right before the Lord. The next step is to understand that I am “here is to learn to do hard things is to learn to do them properly.” That means to me as Sister Funk said “have a teachable spirit.” I need this so much right now in my life. I have lost my teachable spirit as I have struggled to protect myself. Many times I am afraid to pray for things because I am afraid of the consequences of those prayers. There is the old adage “Be careful what you pray for.” In my mind I go through all the bad things that could happen if I really got what I prayed for. The next step is to pray for what the Lord has told me is a good thing and pray for it unceasingly. And the last for right now is to have Faith that God will grant me the thing that I am praying for. So my journey begins today. My journey in once again to learn to trust in God.